I can't do this
I didn't mean to let this happen so quickly,
Did not plan on letting you in
So that you could probe my insides
With your digging questions
Of how and why I am the way I am
With my hands constantly shaking
And my tongue always coated
With medicated residue
Of powdered white and tainted
With lips stained purple.
You say you feel I've changed,
And become more relaxed
Like I live on a hammock
Swinging my sorrows away.
But I don't feel anything changing
Other than the beating of my heart
As it slows down to a quiet pace
Of pure exhaustion and solitude.
I didn't know commitment
Meant that love was the next step
I used it all up months ago
In the arms of another man.
You are wonderful and frightening
But I don't want to lose myself
In the ocean of your eyes.
I've felt heartbreak before
So instead of repairing myself
I gave in to the numbing idea
Of going through life emotionless.
I don't pray anymore
Because I lost faith in heaven
In the deepest level of hell.
You are what I should need